Dark night with snow falls

This is Going to be A very emo And SWEET post i ever written On my blog for anyone.
i would recommend those that cant hold back to please divert off my post.

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introduction.
i will try not to use shortcuts nor short form of words in this post.
seriousity and Sincerity.
to someone extremely dear to me.



p/s ; i know this post might ending up pissing you off, or the other way round.
but i am willing to risk everything and anything for you.


TO : Beloved Angel On Earth.

can i start off with sorry?
u changed my life the moment u step in my door. U change every single bit of my mind. i cant deny u made me a much better person. i cant deny u are the angel to my devil-ness. i never knew what would i be today if i never meet u in the path of my life. i guess i wont be who i am and guess i wont learn to treasure close people around me. the footprint u leave me with, will i treasure it till the last breath i take. U motivates me everytime when i have my problems. U pulled me up when i am down. U can put a smile on my face everytime my cloud is dark. U guided me with the best method u would ever known and learn. U want me to be the best. U want me to make the best of what i have. Everything u Do, u think for me. Everything u Do, u Do for me. U brings light to me life when i am facing the dark path of life. U are lik the sunshine to the earth. Without U, the plants will never grow, without u the human will never live. U are my sunshine after the rain.

I can remember super well How u used to motivate me when i firstly got my job. U are just always there to support me by my back. U are lik the backbone to Me. Without u i wont even stand a moment being there. U give me courage to move on. U give me so much faith and trust on you. U never stop motivating me no matter how bad i treated u. U constantly be by my side to encourage me to move on. As much as i dont want to me to be apart from u that moment, i bet u felt the same too. That little note u left me is never just a little note. Tat little note gave me The courage to move on. And waking up every morning to work for it. Without u, i will just have broken down into pieces and never knew what would have happen to me. The little note, still brings a strong impact to me everytime i sees it.

BEsides hurting you, i never know what good am I being in your life. I"M SORRY. I trip and fall many times, but your hand is always there to pull me up, and push me to move another step further then where i am before. I'm SO sorry For never appreciate u before and for hurting you so much. your smile really kills all my bad mood and put a smile in my face. Your charming smile really can cure any hurt i am in. U are the most pretty person i ever encounter In life.

Its not your beauty I fall for. ur beauty is a gift from god, for the inner beauty heart u have.
i know i said this once before, no matter how pretty the outer, but if the inside is devil, the person will never be anyone.

i never knew that someday a charming little girl will make such a big impact in my life. U really change The rest of my life. Thanks for making me a much better person. thx for all that u have done for me. Thanks For Helping me When i am Down, Pulling me up when i Drowning.
u save my life. u save me. from whom i almost become to be and helped to whom i am now. She guided me, and helped me picked the best path for my life. She is the best Fren And sOul mAte Anyone would ever encounter. U are a very helpful person, u are also a very caring person. even my friend who First time meet u says so. U can make my sorrow to joy. And my joy to happiness, and happiness to a moment in life i can never forget.

time passes very fast.. real fast.. zooming fast
til you cant even hold on just to breathe
the feelings of fear will stil be there when you realise that time passes too fast with just a blink of an eye. <<<>>>
Its a quote from you. i noe time pass fast. but sometimes time is also what we need to prove outself that after all that is done is worth while. Love don make the world go round, but it makes the ride worth while.

Life ends when you stop dreaming, hope ends when you stop believing and love ends when you stop caring. So dream hope and love. believe in it. its kinda true.You are like the sunshine so warm, you are like sugar, so sweet. you are like you. and that's the reason why I love you! i guees we all don need to love someone for a reason.

What I feel for you,is really true. You got to know,I need you so. When you are gone,I can't go on. Can't you see, that you are the only one for me?
I love so much my heart is sure.As time goes on I love you more,Your happy smile.Your loving face, no one will ever take your place. When i am lost, u found me, when i am down, u pulled me, when i stoped u draged me. ALways WAnt the better for me.

I know u always do good for me. So i bet this time too. I bet there is a reason for why are u doing all this. and i am sure that this is what u thinks its best for me. I never knew u very long, but i understands u pretty well at time. U cared very much. I know that, i dont have much time left before my course end. and u really want me to concentrate in my studies and not wasting time.
u are just too good for me. i don deserve all that u've done for me. i know its not any easier for u compared to me, to be going through all this. i never blamed u. its just not fair on how i am treating u. u treat me so good, and what i done in return are nothing compared to what i am receiving from you. U deserve someone better.

When I think back on these times. And the dreams we left behind. I’ll be glad ‘cause I was blessed to get. To have you in my life. When I look back on these days. I’ll look and see your face. You were right there for me. In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky. In my heart there’ll always be a place for you for all my life. I’ll keep a part of you with me. And everywhere. I am there you’ll be. Everywhere I am there you’ll be. Well you showed me how it feels. To feel the sky within my reach. And I always will remember all. The strength you gave to me. Your love made me make it through. Ohh I owe so much to you. You were right there for me. Cause I always saw in you my light, my strength. And I want to thank you now for all the ways. You were right there for me, you were right there for me always.

Sorry to have put u through all this pain i caused. As a lover i failed and me as a friend, u suffer.
Flames to dust, loves to friends. why do i make all good things comes to an end?I'm sorry I didn't mean to call,but I couldn't fight it,I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender just to hear your voice.

THE WAIT, Till the End of AUSMAT. I will keep My Word.

I still felt lucky to be once ur's and to be once apart of ur life u share with me. No regret, U ROCKED my life. u shaked my world. U r the best thing in life that ever happen to me. U r the best Person Any friend should treasure. And its a great lost to lose u. U r the best person any friend should appreciate. Those dumbs Lik me that never appreciate u before would be the stupidest person on earth.

I AM SORRY.

I JUST DESERVE WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH NOW.

I am a devil Inside.

I hate my self for treating U this way.

Feel Free To be Punished.

P/s : I Love YOu. my love for you never changed abit. i am still who i am that still cared for u.

~IMY~

She keeps her secrets
In her eyes
She wraps the truth
Inside her lies
Just when I can't say
What she's done to me
She comes to me
And leads me back to paradise

She's so hard to hold
But I can't let go

[Chorus]
I'm a house of cards
in a hurricane
A reckless ride
In the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain
Is all I wanna feel
She tears away just like a child
She drives me crazy
Drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles

[Howie]
She smiles

[Brian]
Maybe I'd fight if I could
It hurts so bad
But feels so good
She opens up just like
A rose to me
When she's close to me
Anything she'd ask me to
I would

It's out of control
But I can't let go

[Repeat Chorus]

When she looks at me
I get so weak

[Repeat Chorus]

從來沒想過
cong lai mei xiang guo

不能再和你牽手
bu neng zai he ni qian shou

委屈時候 沒有你
wei qu shi hou mei you ni

陪著我心痛
pei zhu wo xin tong
because i was too arrogant

一切都是我
yi qie dou shi wo

太過驕縱
tai guo jiao zong

以為你會懂
yi wei ni hui dong

一直忘了說
yi zhi wang le shuo
我有多感動
wo you duo gan dong

我知道你還是愛著我
wo zhi dao ni hai shi ai zhe wo

雖然 分開的理由
sui ran, fen kai de li you

我們都已接受
wo men dou yi jie shou

你知道我會有多難過
ni zhi dao wo hui you duo nan guo

所以 即使到最後
suo yi ji shi dao zui hou

還微笑著 要我加油
hai wei xiao zhu yao wo jia you

我知道你還放不下我
wo zhi dao ni hai fang bu xia wo

才會 在離開時
cai hui zai li kai shi

閉著眼沒有回頭
bi zhe yan mei you hui tou

我們都知道彼此心中
wo men dou zhi dao bi ci xin zhong

其實 這份愛沒停過
qi shi zhe fen ai mei ting guo

從來沒想過
cong lai mei xiang guo

不能再和你牽手
bu neng zai he ni qian shou

委屈時候 沒有你
wei qu shi hou mei you ni

陪著我心痛
pei zhu wo xin tong

一切都是我
yi qie dou shi wo

太過驕縱
tai guo jiao zong

以為你會懂
yi wei ni hui dong

一直忘了說
yi zhi wang le shuo

我有多感動
wo you duo gan dong

我知道你還是愛著我
wo zhi dao ni hai shi ai zhe wo

雖然 分開的理由
sui ran, fen kai de li you

我們都已接受
wo men dou yi jie shou

你知道我會有多難過
ni zhi dao wo hui you duo nan guo

所以 即使到最後
suo yi ji shi dao zui hou

還微笑著 要我加油
hai wei xiao zhu yao wo jia you

我知道你還放不下我
wo zhi dao ni hai fang bu xia wo

才會 在離開時
cai hui zai li kai shi

閉著眼沒有回頭
bi zhe yan mei you hui tou

我們都知道彼此心中
wo men dou zhi dao bi ci xin zhong

其實 這份愛沒停過
qi shi zhe fen ai mei ting guo

曾經完整幸福的夢
ceng jing wan zheng xing fu de meng

在腦海裡頭
zai mao hai li tou

我多希望你
wo duo xi wang ni

還在我左右
hai zai wo zuo you

我知道你還是愛著我
wo zhi dao ni hai shi ai zhe wo

雖然 分開的理由
sui ran, fen kai de li you

我們都已接受
wo men dou yi jie shou

你知道我會有多難過
ni zhi dao wo hui you duo nan guo

所以 即使到最後
suo yi ji shi dao zui hou

還微笑著 要我加油
hai wei xiao zhu yao wo jia you

我知道你還放不下我
wo zhi dao ni hai fang bu xia wo

才會 在離開時
cai hui zai li kai shi

閉著眼沒有回頭
bi zhe yan mei you hui tou

答應你 我會好好過
da ying ni wo hui hao hao guo

不讓 這些眼淚白流 你牽手
bu rang zhe xie yan lei bai liu

If I were blue, would you be there for me,
And whisper in my ears that's ok.
Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,
And say you love me one more time.

If I feel good, would you slow dance with me,
And touch my lips with tender loving care,
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
And never look back..

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there..

If I am away, would you still think of me,
And wished that you could hold me now.
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
All the way ...

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,
Would you swear that your love is always true,
Would you say that you always be there,
To kiss my pain away,

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,
Would you swear that your love is always true,
Would you say that you always be there,
To kiss my pain away,

You look so beautiful today
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away
So i try to find the words that i could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away
And I cant lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just cant take it
Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever

You look so beautiful today
It's like every time I turn around I see your face
The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you
When I look into your eyes, I wish that I could stay
And I cant lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just cant take it
Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever
I know it feels like forever
I guess that's just the price I gotta pay
But when I come back home to feel your touch
Makes it better
Till that day
Theres nothing else that I can do
And I just cant take it
I just cant take it
Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But i can wait
I can wait forever (I can wait forever)
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever
I can wait forever
I can wait forever...

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe and, Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Great Thinker. I Thinks a Lot Till i Lost track of LIFE.
i think alot till i lose sense of concentration.
i think alot till i pass my sleep time.
i think so much, till i forget wad time i slept.
i think of so many things except my studies.
i think about every single micro little thing.

why am i torturing my self?
how can i stop thinking?

I lost motivation on acc, cos i really think its hard. The ONE used to inspire me.

I once lost track of life, on studies, on the world, and everything around me.

But i keep my promise TO do Well lik i said i would, wit or without

i got presentation for econs tomolo, i guess i am goin to spend whole nite preparing my speech.
and memorise everything single things to be presented.

wish me luck! WORLD!

need to go pharma to get somemore, cant life without it. intense situation, few more month before my course ends. really need to get bak on track. OR else DOOM!
_______
\sign Off/

1.	to be grateful or thankful for: They appreciated his thoughtfulness.

–verb (used with object)

2.	to value or regard highly; place a high estimate on: to appreciate good wine.

3.	to be fully conscious of; be aware of; detect: to appreciate the dangers of a situation.

oh tat is not mine. copyted from dictionary.com. jux to help to booost my start off right. Cos some people jux donor wad is it. and some who noes it, jux don care bout it.

let me enlighten ur life. and outline it to u guys.

i dnr. i lost inspiration when blogging tis.

can i say human are plain stupid?

cos people never knew the true value of appreciation till the point they lose it.

why regret when u already lose it?

why sorry when u already done it?

why sorry when u don meant it?

why say things U don meant to do?

why is alwiz a question, questioning things people is doing.

i noe i do horrible things, to people.

I'm sorry for tat.

I noe i did leave people tat helped me.

WAds Done Is done.

For the thing tat i've said and done.

I"M SORRY!
________________________________________________________
FrenZ!
u will never noe the true value of frenz till u lose it. i guess humans are lik tat. after doin things wrong edi oni kpkb, or else they don even bother wad is around them. i am not excluded.
but never forget, tat tooo much of appreciation leads to fear of losing them leads to doin silly things to keep them which leads bigger disaster.

i learned alot. i learn to appreciate fren. they helped me alot in my down times. I felt i am so useless, cos they tried to help me in many ways to get up of tat hole, but i am jux plain stupid or stubborn not getting out of it. i dnr wad am i doin.

the opposite of appreciation was depreciation. hahaha. sounds so much of maths then anything.
jux try to hold on to people around u before u lose them, which is too late. Unless u have alot of frenz wher u don mind losing some and gaining alot.

LASTLY JUX APPRECIATE EVERYONE. BEFORE ITS TOO LAT3.

Sign Out

It is not about wad they lied, its about why they lied

cos we noe wad they lied.

to test if the person is lying, try asking them to talk words bakward.

tataz. still procras bout the appreciation post. its writen half way but lost inspiration.

Listen
I'd be a liar if I told you
That I didn't see it coming
Be more of a liar if I said
Hey I didn't want it to be something
You deserve much better
For the love that you have shared
I know you won't believe it
But girl I swear
That I got love for you
Big love for you
Even when I'm tripping
The fact remains that
You will always be my baby
But take the truth
Take the truth
I can't hide my feelings
Especially when the whole world can see
That my heart deserve only 1 places
I got you in my life and I wanna do right
ANd it's hard to let it go
And I can't break ties cause we both look right
Someone tell me what's a man to do
And he don't wanna lie
What's a man to do
I know you feel it cause you stay
There is much more to this story
But I'd not goin to be a fool tat say, if i really don meant it.
I trust her and I'm always gonna love her
I been living on the edge baby
So I guess yea baby
She ain't nothing but she is real
But why take us through it
When I still got love for you
I can't hide my feelings
Especially when the whole world sees us right
I got you in my life and I wanna do right
But it's hard to let it go
I don wanna tell you it's over
I cos i really mean it
That I want you to see it
And I'm trying not to make you cry
I wanna tell you that
I ain't playing games and I'm dedicated to receive a change
But when I look in the mirror
It's the same old me but changes is bout to happen.

Is Some People Born to LIE only?

Or they jux love doin it?

Those tat lied are more stupid if they think Any1 would even fall for their lies. hahaha.

wanna lie also guna logic abit la.

GOD WILL PUNISH U BABEH!

oh yeah lucky i got siva wit my tis morning. dahla sick. then tire puncture somemore. WAlao abit bad luck la. but lucky got fren. We AInt POSER. damn spoil at modern tis morning when i go for breakfast wit him. cos ntg to eat at home. damn. every1 looking lik never see car tire puncit before. lucky is morning. atleast no ppl ther looking. otherwise shy wei.

let start by saying.

Something Things will NEVER change?

congrats to my fren tat got PREFECT! hahah yeay. lol. letz celebrate.

yeah i am damn sick today. Realy sick. DAMn. tis is real bad.

I AM SICK AND HYPER. Sory to ppl i disturbed. PAiseh. JUX to HypER when i AM SICK!

I guess PPl will never noe wad is broken heart until they really really feel the pain in their heart.

Well i felt tat tis morning. after sending my sis, i should sleep in grandma house. but i jux cant. cos very sick.

Well i have cramps on and off but lately kinda fREQUENT. and tis morning it lasted for hours,
and can feel the heart like burning and pain noh, some says, tats broken heart. but i dnr wad it really IS.

HEARTS burns When perception towards my life turns. *QUOTED*

i dnr i jux felt sick and hyper and crazy.

i think a day of rest should be HELPFUL?

SOME PPL>>> SOMETHINGS>>> NEVER CHANGE>>> THE END

no matter wad happen, those ppl have a heart harder then diamond to ever change them self maybe because they alwiz think they are right.

but i dont think i am resting today. goin to be super HYPER.

Comnig uP NExt.
Appreciation.

Err. its beeen ever since 31/5 till now i din wanna go tat place. but my beloving parents say tat i have not beeen eating really properly and really getting thinner, so they decided to bring me to eat something good r. but out of all the place. they wan go ther.

i got no comment. and so after so long and now we go ther. the place still the same. but the ppl goin ther is much different already.

today the frog really taste lik. YuckS. Tell me why. it never taste lik tis before.
frog oh frog. stop thinking.

its the memories tat kills everytime.

i told my mum. i hate my screeen cos too smalll. Thus i halau every1 off and Play in a 42ich Plasma. Gosh. with the surround, u can ask for any better. play till u can go blind and deaf.

i love the cartoon above. which looks real sutpid. and the layout which is more dumb then the 1 above. haha. DAMn it. lol. Cartooonnyyyyyyy.

Consciousness is often used colloquially to describe being awake and aware—responsive to the environment, in contrast to being asleep or in a coma. In philosophical and scientific discussion, however, the term is restricted to the specific way in which humans are mentally aware in such a way that they distinguish clearly between themselves (the thing being aware) and all other things and events. A characteristic of consciousness is that it is reflective, an "awareness of being aware". This "self-awareness" may involve thoughts, sensations, perceptions, moods, emotions, and dreams.

Consciousness is the subject of much research in philosophy of mind, psychology, neuroscience, cognitive science, and artificial intelligence. Issues of practical concern include how the presence of consciousness can be assessed in severely ill or comatose people; whether non-human consciousness exists and if so how it can be measured; at what point in fetal development consciousness begins; and whether computers can achieve a conscious state.

Ther is things in life we cant explain. Sometimes we jux cant no matter how hard we try. CONSCIOUS! i don really noe wad it is. but i can say its a really scary thing when it comes true. 6 SENSE! i jux dnr how it suppose to lead me.

Yesh i was blindly driving at 1 am while another fren lik was dead in car. we dnr wher to go. he ask me to drivve and drive jux because he don wans to go home. ITS scar, wher my conscious lead me. its much more scary when i noe its true. i was shocked wher i am.

why am i so emo tis very morning? Why is dreams to Be mareS? Is it a reason why am i facing all tis? Is something wrong anywhre to any1? i dnr. ther is tis strange feeling i am feeling every since yday evening. but i cant explain. its jux so weird. my heart is very heavy. those feelings i cant tell. i cant expressed. and no1 will ever noe how its lik.

can any1 tells me anything? can any1 helps me? am i jux facing another emo day? but why? but why its today so EMO and ntg lik yday. every since evening yday. i tried to be hyper and keep it aside? but why its jux cant reside? i have ky only. cos i ditched every1. hahahah.

wher is my dear dear then? my stupid dear confirm two timing me wit the gf d la. hahaha.
babi 1.

pls help solve my puzzle. i noe la i annoying. haha.

10 breaks till 26/07/09. its scary to see the numbers goin up.

THe fEar To think Is Still THer,
Everytime I Noe Tat When Think To HARd MAkes Tears roll Out!

why am i nOt SO easily HArden By THings aRond ME?

How CAn A guy BE Softer THen A gIrL?

A bad Morning I can say! NTG!

HOw i Wish I can control My dREAmS?

how i wish i decide wad stays and WAd not tO>

how i wish brains are lik computer?

U can drag and drop and delete and clear every single trail and leave ntg behind.

Those Tat Noes Me, Noes WAd i am Goin through EVERY SINGLE NITE, when i am a sleep.

its jux bad when real life are a disaster compared to Dreams.

soon to get used to nitemares.

I bet GOD have a reason for creating US tis way.

Ther is a bright side on every story, maybe its Jux yet For US to find out.

stay hopeful.

things don happen overnite, and LOVE is one of it.

tAke CAire. Stay Safe, Drive CArefully.

Jux Speechless..........................................

Sigh If forgetting people Is jux AS Easy AS Flushing The toilet Bowl.

Hmmm. well was waiting for time to get up. cos was waiting for the next venue but the person not yet called me up yet. haha. so lepaking here wit my laptop. lol. wit my bitches. lol. boring but ok la. lol. Ntg much. but fun lol. took picture with my laptop cam. real funny. and fugly.

hmm. i goin out now. god noes wad am i goin through tonite. hahaha. out out and away.

ITS SATURDAY. FREEEDOM! Lets MINUM?

ModestOs Maybe? Gosh. time to Spend $$ hahaha. OFF babeh!

chao.

hope alLl my readers HAve A WONDER SATURDAY!

MUACK MUACKS> LOVE U ALLL!!!!

Well i noe my blog was down awhile. but i am very sure i din delete it la. errr some may though i did delete it la. but i dint. maybe jux keep it aside for awhile. and some changes before i put it bak.
i noe many said wtf? why from emo to gothic. Gosh maybe emo type is more lik who i am. lol. but nvm. lets change. haha. New layout now. much more simplier and less emo i guess. haha.

well deleting my blog would be stupid. as its lik a journal of my life now. I' ve been blogging since a year plus now. many many things are recorded. wad happens pics and everything. all are said and done. its all recorded. a mini bible of my life. haha. can see from wad happens and wads not and all the LIES, HATRED, DECEPTIONS, LOVE, EXPERIENCE its all said and posted. hahaha. so i wont delete it. its my life now. i noe sometimes ppl may encourage to delete it, or actions they do or done is leading to encourage delete. Hahaha.

To some1;
Its jux been less then a week. ther is still hope. don give up. Try to mend it bak. although i am not really sure wad happen. but i think ther is hope for u both. maybe give space to breath first before starting it all over again. noe why i say so? cos i noe some1 tat is still have hope even though its over for about a month plus for him now. Plus all the things is said and done he still have hope. more stupid then u rite? so u jux hang on. Sometime when we wanna let go then we will think bak, wad tat keeps us holding on all tis while. true? haha. Good Luck. if u see tis.

~take care~

9 breakups till 25.07.09
is tis year goin to be any worst?

i told my fren bout tis. and she said its better then hearing ppl getting pregnant. I was stoned.

~chao~

its bout my high skul. damn not fair wei. why do changes only happen when WE are GONE? bodoh la. why dint she come much earlier. but i can promise tat if WE are ther, ntg much is goin to change.
Well u can see many new chair and table la, tat will change. i feel the skul rule has beeen more free and not tight already.

and every1 seems to be pretty relax and lik no rule lik tat. not fair wei. last time walk out abit also kena tangkap. now days i seee student jux leave skul as they wish. last time muz use highway and THE CLIMB. now jux jalan. Walao. wad is tis man? imagine if WE are still ther, our skul life gonna be much crazy wei. haha. as crazy as it can be? i don mean to comment bout the student ther now. but i can say tat the power is not ther anymore. we LIVED THOSE LIFE! now we missed it.

even if i were bak in form 6 still those life is over. ntg is goin to be the same again. so i rather enjoy wher i am in now. instead of thinking bak bout the fuk times we had ther. hahahA. but it was great. i noe i said before i wont missed it. but in college u don have those crazy life anymore. but i can say. IF WE were ther now. in form 5 in the condition of the skul NOW! WE are more crazy then ever ever ever. now the rules seems not strict. which is pissing me off. hahaha.

NOT FAIR! wher is all the strict teacher gone? did they lose their passion? wher they went? the tradition of ACS is lost. since no more highway is needed and all. TOOO bad. U KIDDIes now jux stay put and study. NO1 will ever exp wad WE have been THROUGH. NEVER WILL AGAIN.

WHATS LOST IS LOST!
AND NOW ITS FOREVER!

had discussion in college till 5 plus lik tat. then come bak.
everywher is so jam.
sorry i don have the patience these days.
yet i don drive hiong. cos i don have the confidence edi.
my confidence to speed lik crazy left me already.
so its been a month plus or so, tat i drive decently. haha.
pity my sis, but she is on mp3, cos i was cursing and screwing cars all way long.
she got abit fed up actually. haha.
but really damn stressed la. those stupid ppl drive lik shyt.
and thx to police which make my lane more jam.
bodoh Tapao.

p/s To SOme1! u bettter give my books bak the way i gave it to u. u decorate enough already.
oh yeah another thing. Ur email in tat book la. and the book is wit u. so cant rush me to add edi. haha. =p

hahaha. tis morning after sending my sis i decided not to sleep and do all my work.
Jior die la.
still got so many more to do.
atleast those work tat i muz puz up today i have completed and will be passing up later.
Hmmm. fresh morning. fresh day.
will be staying bak in college later for extra work.
hectic hectic. haha.
but no choice got assig to be doned up.
i good morning leads to a good day.
hopefully it will. haha
letz had breakfast.
letzx eat.
and letz study. haha.
chao chao.
OH yeah. i did mY ACC WORK!
omg since centuries i din do already. hahaha.
and tis morning crazily wanna do. partially kena force.
or else kena barrred from exam. LOL. ButoH!
But i noe sure got ppl to join me if i din do. sure got sure got .haha.
but i wanna do. atleast try gua since i got solution book.
chao. goin breakfast d. will update from time to time wad happen .

now i noe why. thx to some1 tat enlighten me wit tat info.
TAT BEN is not me. its up to u ppl to believe it anot.
but its jux not me.

how can i be so stupid to leave trail ther?
and stupid for ppl who think so.
btw i don visit ther for about a week edi.
until yday when i was bombared wit tat info only i go see.

in the world oni 1 BEN?
in acs only 1 BEN tat left skUl?
And I AM THe only person called ben?

Pls use brain. i am not tat stupid to put my name and info ther if its me.
Use brain and think. am i tat stupid?

SO STUPID OF U.

thx to the person for outline it to me.

its jux not me. believe it or not, it don make a diff.

well today me and siva and zi xiang was goin off from modern. well ther is tis girl which kinda ran out from modern. well we almost banged her. but luckily siva stop in time and manage to rescue her. yesh it was close. lucky he is not fast and manage to stop in time. or else god noes wad happen.
siva was shocked and break kinda furiously.the girl seems pretty shocked, and stonned ther for awhile but after tat she jux continue her journey. i bet she is panic and stonned already.she did stop middle of the road awhile. then continue journey. after tat siva was panic and horned kinda badly. jux be much more careful next time k.

its so dangerous man. to jux rush out lik tat. cos the car from side parking was kinda lik blocked the view before she ran out. so we cant really be prepared for her running out.

anyway.pls becareful when crossing road. its dangerous to jux rush out lik tat. its lucky we are slow tis time.

Well, i din noe tat my ex skul teachers have blogs. hey its pretty cool rite? imagine its lik sunway having bb and izone lik tat. but tis is happening in skuls. Gosh how cool rite? i mean besides tat we can noe more bout our teachers, we can also share question and help students via the web. cool rite? well they should practice tis, when i was bak at high skul. imagine does question from the web. lik wad i am doin now. lol. in college nothing so specal d la. but if in high then its special tho. lol. well its great to keep the world updated in studies and bout ourself. too bad. i leave skul edi. or else i still can enjoy lik old days.

i noe i said before tat i wont miss skul. but heell i am wrong man. haha. skul is nice and fun. FORM6 wad a bomb. but too late for anything now. i should jux continue wit my ausmat and be happy wit life. haha. well i almost switch to skul u noe? before the 2nd sem starts. hahaha. tooo bad. too late. ntg can be done now. i continue mine and make the best out of the ausmat thing i am doin.

self support. GAMBATEH ben. hahaha. lame. lol..

it took me kinda long to actually cool down wad my mind is thinking. tried many ways to calm my self down. and fianlly i think i got better and felt lik blogging after somewhile. still very unstable and reactive now.

Pls CLICK HERE and direct away if u cant stand the words ahead. if i failed to control.


start.
why cant ppl shut their mouth? is it so damn big till a car can fit in or wad? if u noe something, and its something not plesent why cant u ppl jux shut up and keep it to ur self? instead of spreading it all around and end up hurting the ppl involve? U ppl Jux cant shut the FUk UP? pOmg. starting to lose my patience. WARNING i give oUt to pl which have BIG BIG BIG car fitting mouth tat cant keep things to their self. i can dig everything out and screw the hell out of the person. jux stop doin it. Cos u never knew how much the person involved will be hurted. and if the person being hurt is a person dear to me. i will never lEt u GO!

change before its too late. still early to learn to shut up!

besides big mouth ppl. i starting to lose great patience to ppl tat love to lie. especially 1 after another? wth. is lieing so fun? or its a cover up? i noe truth hurts but wad hurts more is the to noe the truth after a LIE! pls pls pls, pls change. Its good to tell truth, no matter how much it hurts. atleast it hurts now, and the person might be on the way of healing, better then to find it out after tat later, after a liE. which PISSED ppl offf more. sometime Ppl never knew tat the person they are lieing to, noes the truth but jux being patience wit. Trust is something u gain, and not something u asked for.

i noe i tried to curse less. i am already worknig on it. but tis is something i lose great patience on! Sorreh

永远在心里面.不会离开不.
意志憶我们的记忆.

ok.i really dnr will tis make others lmao. but sincerity is ther tho. lol. its short, but it tooks me super long. haha. cos i am super noob. and i really dnr wad the pharase turns out to be. Help ME. haha

永远永远手牵手,
永远永远要记得,
永远永远要记得,
我们要一起生活,
不管下雨的时候,
不放开手到永久,
我们要一起生活

paiseh ppl ya. i noe i was damn emo today. din really have the mood to talk to any1. Paiseh. carry tat face whole day long. to any1. even to lecturer also din care. Sry ya.

Finish dinner, done brushing up. i guess i shall sleep before i hurt more ppl. not fair to hurt innocent ppl although no matter how hurt i was. Sry ya.

a nite of sleepless nite don really kill me lik it does last time. oh yeah. its jux pass by oni btw. since after dropping ky and dee at ky house.

take care yos. chaos

its not jux about ur feelings oni.

good nite. my day ends here.

haha. it should be a day i go fors sports in the morning. but something is up to my car. so i have to cancel and ffk them. real paiseh ya. haha. next time perhaps. haha. we will replan schedule again ya. haha.

end up sleep till kinda late after tat. then go makan wit family then giant then bak d gua. hahaha.

hmmm. was at home till lik 2 plus. then suddenly bakside itchy. bring car out. shun bian pass my cousin some papers. then i go around the world oni, i notice tat i wanna find my brother from another mother. haha. talk and talk and drive around wit him. then go Ex Skul. haha. meet up wit a few fren. and get to noe many stories. OMG! So damn THank YOU Guys FOr IT! ARGH!

omG. stories goes very fast huh. mouth to mouth. as siva said. faster then Mj's death news. haha. OMG. Die la. cant go bak acs d. *putting salt on wound* haha. hey bro. u wrong la. i think still slower. except to cnn oni gua.

.hahaha. So we spend time till near 6. then drove around again. then oni let him go bak. oh after go bak then life is bak to its dullness edi gua. haha. hey bro. Join me. sRy u masuk into my trap edi la. together we be active k! haha.

OMg i am damn clumsy. sigh. why can i get sooooo sotong? maybe because i pressing while driving gua. send things to wrong ppl. alamakakkkkkk. KAnTOI! PLs some1 bang me hard in the head. body and mind in to diff place.

Sorry Once more. i neeed some space. stop helping the hopeless me. thx. Sorry

i went out. to have drinks wit couple of my fren. yesh yesh. was out from around 8plus till 12 plus. damn. i wanan get my self busy. i wanna play sports. i wanna get in to activities. i wanna join clubs. i wanna go out. i wanna do everything. i wanna get busy.

Hmmm i was goin through one of my ex best teachers blog. yeah. my teacher got blog. how cool rite? pls do visit if ur free. linked under Pn Rabish. Omg. her latest post was kinda inspiring. damn hell she is rite. omg. why do we often take so long to notice ther is another open door when tis door is close? how much longer am i goin to lie to my sELF?

don trust my blog. is jux a cover. trust my action. cos i think action speaks louder then words. some quote from Pn Rabiah.

If something bad happen in your life, don't give up. Life goes on. It is ok to feel sad, but don't let it ruins your life. Life is too short to waste on feeling sorry about yourself. Just think if you are having bad luck, there is someone somewhere in the world is having worse fate than you. "Quoted from Pn Rabiah"

Find friends that will be with you through your good or bad time. There are many people who want to laugh with you, but very few who want to cry with us. Remember that someone is there when you need a shoulder to cry too. ( hell is true Rite? very few will cry wit us) Thx Pn Rabiah

hahaha. okie okie. stop lying stop lying to my self. hahaha.

yesh life is short. life is damn short. we jux dnr wad will happen after tonite. make the fullest out of it. life is full of exp and challenges. trust ur heart. trust ur feeling! IMPORTANTLY trust URSELF! nobody will respect a person if he/she don trust he/her self.

TURST-HONESTY-FAITHFULNESS-LOYALTY-LOVE
the core of long lasting love.

i am still waiting for ppl to tag me. especially those tat taken my pic for drama. my act was girlish but my group din go till an extend of dressing up lik girl. but my group did a great job. i bet every group is. i still wating for pic or vidz if possible. haha.

econs work to be done up. still kinda steressed up. cos the life shuffling thing is now goin on very well. haha. kidna not used to it. but everything take times la rite? haha. patience and it will pays off.

well my life needed some organisation. so i plan to shuffle everything and to organise my self abit. cos lately abit kuku edi and everything is so messy. haha.

so here is how i changed. i wake up early morning and set a target to achieve for my day. wad i wanna do and wad i muz achieve and wadd i muz complete in the day!

tis is all setup early morning before i do anything. then i rough out a time table to guide my self to do wad i need to do. so i don miss anything. and i don waste time on anything tat i can save time on!

its a good start for a new change. the time table will differ from time to time. and alwiz lari for sure. cos alwiz got unplanned things coming up. so for the day or 2 can be excused la. haha. but will try to follow as much as possible.

its time to get organised and work work hard!

WATCH OUT KY AND DEE!!!!!

work hard play hard and DRINK hard BABEH!

i don have much time left. everytime i see time pass so fast and ntg have been done i get so scared! my course ending at nov and from time to time now everything might be very tense. and ofcourse pressure is alwiz ther. to make me work harder!

time table got time for everything. play and eat. plus bath. hahaha. even chatting. but if ntg to do. i might replace those time for something more important. its time to work our asss off edi. i wanna get better result.

at the end of my course i might go into an carreer tat i think i can perform better. business? Out of list i guess. haha. letz plan again after my ausmat.

I doubt myself a lot recently. As in, A LOT.

And what kept me going? I have a promise to keep and I do not want to disappoint people who have supported me all along.

objetive now is hopefully i get some better result and get to aus to cont or get some 3+1 so called twniing sub i guess. yesh i wanna leave here! haha. leave everything behind.

aiyo i say oni not sure tat would i really wanan leave anot. haha. don bother for now. still far. jux do well first oni talk. every1 is by my bak to support me. its time to learn, live life alone.

Okie crapa cukup edi. my time for com is almsot up and i should leave to do some more important stuff. haha.

thx yall for all the support. i can see the sincerity in my cbox. ofcourse everyone wanna me to do well. and yeah! i will try my best. changes is happening for the best of me. hahaaaaa.

muaxxx

Sign oFfff

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
i donor wad would i do!

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
life goin smooth!

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
Kae yean"s bUTT? he is damn anooying!

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
to spend and spend and spend i guess

5. What is a Must in a partner?
important is love !

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
being loved by some1 la .

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
as long as i can!

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
never due to happen!

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
Of course. happens in april!

10. What takes you down the fastest?
the only person in my life. =P

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
having good life. in big mansion besides a poool wit vodka!

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
Family aND u!

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
i tag my self

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
i think married although i am poor but i am actually rich in sense i have family!
( get it?)

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
check for sms! haha.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
YESh! no hesitation!

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
hopefully tat don happen. but if it did then ofcourse the person i loved most!

18. What type of people do you hate?
too much to be mentioned. many type of ppl anooys me!

1. How much do you spend for clothes per month?
* not much la. i am not fancy in dress.

2. Who is more important to you?Friends or boyfriend/girlfriend?
*If in consideration of tat 3. I'm sorry but it have to be gf la.

3. How often do you think about committing suicide?
* NOPE! oni once i think. haha. stupid rite? thx!

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
* Nope i am lack of it. but i am building it!

5. How many babies do you want?
*1 boy 1 girl. 2 its enuff i think

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
*well it do happens wads! how to not believe?

7. What is your goal for this year?
*Do well in wad ever i am doin. espcially life and studies

8. What kept you of being who you are?
* every1 around me!

9. What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to you? (List 10)
*Abit stupid R? who is perfect?

10. What are you really afraid of?
* Getting Hurt! but its also a way to learn!

11. What are your bad habits?
* lazy and lazy

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hate you?
* god bless U!

13. State a random fact about yourself
* Emo bOI! says mum!

14. What does flying mean to you?
* FREEDOM!

15. What do you crave for most currently?
* not in appetite

16. Most unexpected gift you received so far and when?
* my birthday birthday! tats when!

17. Describe the person who tagged you. Honestly.
*i tag my self

18. What have you done to yourself that makes yourself happy?
* still figuring out!

19. What will you become in another 10 years to come?
* succesful hopefully!

20. If you can choose how you want to end your life,how would it be?
*happy ending!

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: WAter
2. Last phone call: mum asking to tapao food
3. Last text message:dear
4. Last song you listened to: fall for u by Secondhand serenade
5. Last time you cried: not long ago.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: Err???
7. Been cheated on: NoPE
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Ahh NEvER!!!
9. Lost someone special: yeAps. Kinda so
10. Been depressed: YEapS! Its CALled Great Depresseion
11. Been drunk and threw up: Drunk YEAh! threw uP? NEvER!

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12.White
13.Black.
14.Blue.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: YuPz Quite a Nnumber of them
16. Fallen out of love: Err>.. COmplicated
17. Laughed until you cried: YEah Its Crazy.
18. Met someone who changed you: YESH!
19. Found out who your true friends were:YEahs! THey exist for a reason
20. Found out someone was talking about you:WEll i think hardly gua.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list :NopeS!
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life:a NUmber OF tHEM!
23. How many kids do you want to have: Err 1 or 2. lesser better!
24. Do you have any pets: NOpe!
25. Do you want to change your name: NAh! i am happy wit my name. i love iT!
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Celebrate my birthdya la!
27. What time did you wake up today: 6 plus at first then sleep bak then at 9!
28. What were you doing at midnight last night:dream>?hardcore thinking?
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: meeting Some1
30. Last time you saw your Mother:tis morning! not yet see her yet.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: things where everything is wrong!
32. What are you listening to right now: Rehad? Cock song!
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No NO!
34. What's getting on your nerves right now:i am emo but not angry!
35. Most visited webpage:Blog and facebook gua
36. Whats your real name: BEn TAn YonG CHwEN?
37. Nicknames:BEndan la.
38. Relationship Status: complicated!
39. Zodiac sign:GEmini
40. Male or female?: Siao cHA bo gua!
41. Elementary: Tadika Dahlia
42. Middle School?: Acs
43. High school/college?: SUNWAY BABEH!
44. Hair colour: black
45. Long or short:SHORT!!!!!!!
46. Height: 160plus gua!
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: is IT consider u LOVe SOem1?
48. What do you like about yourself?: i hate my self! SorEH!
49. Piercings: wanteed tooo but don think so
50. Tattoos:nope noway
51. Righty or lefty:lefty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery:NOPE! hopefully not.
53. First piercing: dnr when. hopefully not soon
54. First best friend:u nOe ur self!
55. First sport you joined:how can i remember? rubbish!
56. First vacation:errrr too young to notice
58. First pair of trainers:TAk tao
59. Eating:muz be milk from mum gua?
60. Drinking: SuSU?
61. I'm about to:cry!
62. Listening to:Muz be my parents being so happy.
63. Waiting on:Growing?

YOUR FUTURE :
63. Want kids?:Yeah i think
65. Get Married?:Durh! i am prepared to marry to U D!
66. Career?:Ofcourse god damn it!

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes!
68. Hugs or kisses: BoThHHH!H!H!H!H!H!H!
69. Shorter or taller:taller of course
70. Older or Younger:i not sur bout tis..
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Both.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: it don really matter to me.
73. Sensitive or loud: errr both muz be equally balanced
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationships.!!!.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: i dunno..

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger:NEver!not crazy!
77. Drank hard liquor:LIk DURH? its good K!
78. Lost glasses/contacts:Nooooo
79. Sex on first date:Crazy R? tis is malaysia la!
80. Broken someone's heart: yesh i think>? kinda badly
82. Been arrested:siao r? i good guai kiA!
83. Turned someone down:tak tao
84. Cried when someone died:siao meh? sure got la!
85. Fallen for a friend?:Fall and trip on ppl got la

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself:yesh! especially my heart!
87. Miracles: yesh! as long as ther is hope ther is miracles!
88. Love at first sight:well if being attracted on first sight got considered?
89. Heaven:i was living in 1. but now..........
90. Santa Claus: as long as the persent give out pressie on xmas then considered santa claus d gua.
91. Kiss on the first date:hahahahaha!
92. Angels:errr. i am truely not 1 of it la!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time:hahaha. i aint player man! loyalty sincerity and lovety!
95. Did you sing today?:i am at the brink of death! how to sing?
96. Ever cheated on somebody?:nopEe
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?:bak to the day wher everything is rite between us.

REALISTIC
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: i cant remember the day!
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?:Yesh at times. thinking of how bad things could be!yet we still fall in love. haha
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: NoPE. i got my own tittle.

tag any1 is damn free and in the mood for it!

YEsh i noe ppl alwiz say tat human are constantly learning.
failure is a mother of succes.
and also mistakes is a place from wher human learn.

Ok enuff enufff. those i listen alot d.

but i cant deny they are all true can I? can u?

yesh its true tat we learn till the last breath of our life and learning is a life long process.

failure is a mother of succeS? hmmm true true also.

we learn from mistakes. but sometimes it comes wit a price. and guess wad? the price which is ur biggest fear becoming real.

gosh! imagine tat. horrifying. but wad can one do>?

we don have options, decision is not in our hands. sometimes its too late to learn from our mistakes cos ther is a price for it.

even its too late. yet its a process of becoming some1 better in future life.

no1 is perfect.

eccept others imperfect and try to change them and u life a better life.

i would do anything for a change.

things is hard especially when matters tat relate to not only 1 person which means 2 thoughs 2 minds and 2 decision.

open ur mind open ur thoughs start talking and things start to change.

close minded ppl never move far in life.

never hold sand too tight! they will eventually leave u. don hold sand but support sand!

never hold a bird too tight, u might even tually kill it!

sometimes not only learning from out mistakes but also others mistakes will very much help ur self from making the same mistakes and pay its price.

don stop learning. never stop hoping. cos the only things which keeps human living is HOPE!

i am drowned.

i am corroding as time pass.

lets see wads left till the end of time if things still remain the same.

can i say tat i still love you? it never change from the moment i start it.

ntg gonna change my love for u!

not till the moment u walked out the door also.

soryY!

I love U!